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Tuesday, 20 November 2012

How to love yourself......

A real theme of late in sessions with clients, and indeed in my own life, has been all about the intriguingdynamic that exists between a person and themselves.
That relationship in which you relate to YOU….
We never really stop to reflect consciously on the alliance, or lack thereof, between the person we spend the most time with…
They say we become who we hang around most, and I argue that YOU are who you spend the predominant amount of your time with….
So stop now and reflect on how that is working for you…
Observe how you speak to yourself.
Are you kind, supportive, nurturing, encouraging, honest, compassionate and forgiving?

Or are you judgemental, harsh, cold, critical, closed and deceptive?
My experience has been that when I stop in the moments I am feeling the most stressed, most down, most lost, most scared, most defeated, most ugly, most fat, most useless, most unworthy….the voice I hear speaking to me is indeed of the latter kind.
When I started exploring this idea with clients, they too reported the same observations.
Predominantly, their own voice to themselves was terribly nasty, hurtful and one that they would wish to avoid as much as possible.
Isn’t that interesting? The person we often need to escape from most is ourselves.
No wonder we have come to depend on so many distractions, comforts and “buffers”; external things that make life with ourselves much more tolerable and bearable.
Television, chocolate, bad relationships, dramas, excessive exercise, work, alcohol, food…..We all have our “bandaids” of choice…the things we immerse ourselves in with abandon so that we can avoid, at all costs,ourselves.
Now, entertain me for a moment and imagine what life would be like IF you decided to start afresh with yourself…
Let’s go back to when you were 5 or 6….you are at school in the playground and the teacher walks up to you with another, obviously new student.
She says,
Hi (your name here). This is (your name here). She/he is new and I am wondering if you can please be kind to her/him and show her/him around. Please, can you take him/her by the hand, be a lovely friend and get to know her/him simply by spending some time with him/her. I think you will really like each other. You have a lot in common and I thought you would be excellent friends! It is SO nice to have a friend with whom you can share everything, especially the scary parts of life!
With that, the teacher leaves you standing there looking at this other child. You are immediately curious and ever eager to have a playmate, so with that you do offer your hand and get on with the very important business of having FUN together and simply being yourselves…!
So…. how does that sound?
It may seem corny, strange, weird, whatever….! Let me just say this though….
This ONE relationship will MAKE or BREAK you….
This ONE relationship will forever effect and impact every other relationship you ever dare to have…
This ONE relationship will permanently “colour” how you see and experience life….
This ONE relationship is the very and ONLY one you need to work most hard on…
When you can engage with YOU in a loving, nurturing, fun, open, supportive and kind way, the WHOLE world will be your playground!
You will have confidence that no matter what happens you have a friend- the VERY BEST- by your side. You will have someone to turn to when you need advice, are scared, lonely, depressed, anxious, stuck, overwhelmed…
This ONE relationship will bring to your life EVERYTHING you seek outside of yourself, IF ONLY you allow it to….
It is curious that we have entered into a world in which there are more distractions and stimulations than ever before….we have EVERY option and opportunity to AVOID getting to know us….to AVOID spending time with us….and, I believe, this is the root cause of most of our suffering today…
Please, if you do NOTHING else on your quest to be happier, healthier, thinner, more attractive, fit, rich, whatever…..Please spend some time getting to know YOU…
Make time and space to LISTEN….to allow yourself the opportunity to speak openly and honestly….confess all your innermost fears, shames and guilts….get it all out…let it all out…Learn that unconditional love means knowing all of this and still loving anyway….
I promise your world WILL be instantly transformed as you forge a beautiful bond between you and yourself…..

Let me know how you go on your journey in getting to know, and LOVE, you….

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